Tuesday, April 6, 2010

two days...

til Disney.  I can't believe it's here.  I still have a lot of packing to do but am feeling pretty organized at the moment, at least.  This trip is bittersweet as I'm so excited to be taking the twins to Disney for the first time but am leaving my sweet baby girl behind with her grandparents.

I know it's for the best.  I know that Piper would be miserable being strapped into a stroller, in the heat, for hours on end everyday. I know that the twins will love and appreciate some undivided attention from me.  They've lost a lot of "Mommy time" since Piper arrived in August.  I know that Piper will be completely spoiled by my parents over those six days.  Still, it hurts my heart to leave her.

And then, there's the irrational worrying.  I worry that something will happen to us on our trip.  Plane crash?  Shuttle/Monorail/boat accident?  We all die and leave her behind.  Granted, I wouldn't want her to die right along with us but she'd be left without her family.  Terrible thought. Then, there's the irrational worrying about her.  Will she choke on something?  Fall out of her highchair?  Be in a car accident with my parents?  Become deathly ill and I'm not there to care for her.  All of these thoughts plague me in the wee hours of the morning.  Crazy, I know.  I fully admit it.

And then, to add more stress to the situation, I'm still nursing her.  Now, she takes a bottle with no problem so I'm not worried about that part.  I also have been stockpiling milk and have 200 ounces (give or take) in the freezer at the moment.  This will be more than enough for her while we're away.   But, I worry about whether she'll latch again when I return or will want nothing to do with nursing.  Also, I have to take my pump with me, obviously, and will need to find the time to pump throughout the day.  Then, there's the issue of getting all of that pumped milk home. Ugh.  It makes my head spin.

I figure it will all work itself out.  We'll have a wonderful week with the twins celebrating their 5th birthdays and their final months before they start school.  Piper will have a wonderful week with her grandparents and they will enjoy spending that time with her as well. Hopefully I'll find the time to pump regularly so that it won't affect my supply much and we can resume nursing without a hitch when I return home.

My perfect scenario.  Crossing my fingers it plays out that way.

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