Sad

Well, my bad morning turned into a worse day.  Gene took Farley to the vet tonight and came home with very bad news.  He has a huge tumor taking up most of what is left of his spleen.  He is bleeding internally and probably has been for several weeks.  From what little research I've done, it appears as though he has Hemangiosarcoma.

He fits the profile for this cancer.  Male, between the ages of 8-10 and a Golden Retriever.  This cancer is also very common in German Shepherds.  Unfortunately, there is nothing we can do for him except relieve him of his suffering.  Gene and I have spent most of this evening crying.  As much as Farley can be a huge pain in the arse from time to time, I can't imagine our lives without him.  Gene and I brought him home at 8 weeks old, only a few months after we were married.  He was our first baby.  He's lived in four homes with us, welcomed three babies and spent the last almost eleven years as a big part of our family.

I can't yet wrap my head around the fact that after tomorrow he will no longer be with us.  I'm so used to him following me around the house and laying at my feet. He's been so wonderful with my kids.  They're going to be sad to learn that he's not coming home.  I'm not sure yet how we're going to explain it to them.  I was hoping we'd have several years left with Farley.  This is happening all too soon and I'm not ready to say goodbye. 

Farley spent this evening sandwiched between Gene and I on the "good sofa".  Something he was never allowed to do.  He shared my Oreo cookies.  He got lots of lovin from both of us.  Gene carried him upstairs so that he could sleep in our room one last time.  He's too weak to go up on his own.  And tomorrow, we'll say goodbye to an amazing and loyal companion.  I don't know if I have the strength to be there with him but he deserves that much from me.