Monday, November 16, 2009

Family Planning

Do you hit a slippery slope once you're a mother of three?  Is it because going from two to three really isn't that big of a deal (as I've heard many say) that the then thought of four isn't unimaginable or out of the question?  That's where I am right now.

I never in a million years thought I would be here.  Contemplating the idea of another baby.  I don't know that it's actually another baby that I'm after but instead the sadness of losing the one that I have.  Or, the idea of never experiencing any of this again.  It could also be stemming from the fact that I had planned to get rid of the baby clothes as Piper grows out of them and now that her newborn and 0-3 month clothes no longer fit, I can't quite bring myself to start packing them up and shipping them out the door.

I always wanted three kids.  That was always my plan. Gene wanted a ton of kids.  He had a sister who died when he was little and basically grew up an only child.  He always told me that the thing he wanted most for his kids was for them to have siblings.  So, his plan was for at least three but was also hoping to talk me into more.  Then, when we had such a hard time conceiving and weren't sure we'd end up with one child, let alone several, we were extremely content and happy when we found out I was pregnant with twins.  And even more so when we found out it was a boy and a girl.  Perfect.  Then, EJ and Olivia blessed us with their presence and my idea on having three changed.  They were a handful (especially the first year) and I was more than happy to declare that two was enough for me.  Gene still wanted more, but didn't push the issue. 

A few years went by, the twins got a lot easier, and the idea would occasionally creep into my mind about another.  However, I was quick to put that idea on the back burner each year.   "Maybe next year", I'd think to myself.  "Next year" came as quite a shock when I found out I was pregnant last November.  After all of the effort we had to put into conceiving the twins, I never expected I would be one of those people saying "Ooops!  I'm pregnant".  That kind of thing wouldn't happen to me.  But, that was me one year ago.

I was nervous about the idea of another baby.  The work involved with having a newborn in the house again.  Juggling the twins and the new baby.  But, it's really been a very smooth transition.  Obviously, so much so, that I would even be entertaining the idea of another.  I know I'm crazy to think it. And, I'm sure in the end it will not happen.  Being totally honest with myself, I'm sure, as I said, it's more that I'm having difficulty letting go.

Piper was such a surprise and couldn't have been a bigger blessing!  I've been enjoying my time with her so very much.  I love kissing her chubby little cheeks and having someone drooling all over me again.  I'm looking forward to having a little one toddling around the house again and experiencing life in everyday things for the first time.  EJ and Olivia just love her to pieces, too and I'm so happy that they're getting to experience having a baby in the house.  They just adore her and Piper is so intrigued by them.  I enjoy watching the family dynamic develop before my eyes a little more everyday.

I asked EJ and Olivia if they wanted Mommy to have another baby or if Piper should be the last addition to the family.  I think I was hoping they'd both say no and that would seal the deal.  They both said yes.  Olivia said she wanted a baby brother next.  EJ then told me that God has walkie talkies and can hear everything we're saying (I think he's thinking more along the lines of the baby monitor we have for Piper) and that God heard their request and he's going to put a baby in my belly while I'm sleeping.

Walkie talkies, God and babies all in the same sentence.  Sounds as crazy as I do for thinking about another.  I'm chalking it up to the hormones.